Teddy Ballgame And A Bad Day

As far as sports are concerned, baseball is my first love.

As a child, I remember sleeping with my baseball glove rather than a teddy bear or a favorite blanket.  I used to chew on the leather strings like they were a teething ring.

I liked the game as a child, fell in love with the game as a teenager and now adore the game as an adult.

Nowadays, I’m teaching my children to not just look at the score and who won, but also appreciate the nuances and journey of the game.  The outcome (who won and who lost) is important, but it’s not the only reason to love baseball.

Football is entertaining, but true romantics still consider baseball our national pastime.  

A pastime, by definition, is something that connects us to our ancestors.  Pastimes allow us to link back to a time when our our parents were younger, our worries were fewer and our lives were more simple.

My grandfather cannot teach his great grandchildren how to text on a cell phone, but he can throw batting practice pitches to his great grandchildren in the backyard where his children once roamed in generations prior. You don’t need a users manual.  Baseball is a universal language.

In baseball, there is no rush.  Time is on our side. There are no clocks. There is no halftime or intermission.  Baseball reads nearly as a continuous poem. Pitchers can pitch the ball when they are comfortable.  Batters can enter the batter’s box at their own cadence.

As a fan we enjoy the sounds of the game.  Sounds that are emitted from a baseball field are timeless.  Even a blind man can tell when a ball is struck perfectly with a wooden bat.  That sound never leaves your memory.  When we go to a baseball game, we forget about reality.  Our worries are less, our relaxation is high and we have time to spend with those we love.

Baseball also has many parallels with life and parenting.  

Baseball is a long, tireless grind.  Major league baseball teams play 162 regular season games per year.  Games occur nearly every day.  Sometimes there are two games in a day.

The season starts in the early spring and ends in the late fall.  There are winning streaks and losing streaks.  There are high highs and low lows.

The best players keep their emotions in-line.  One day you can hit the game winning home run and the next day you can go hitless and make two errors.  Baseball can make you feel like a hero one day, and a schmuck the next.

When I think of the most dynamic season for a baseball player of all time, I think of Ted Williams and his season with the Boston Red Sox in 1941.

In 1941, at the ripe age of 22, Ted Williams hit for a batting average of .406.  Amazingly, In 1941, sacrifice flies counted against your batting average, unlike today.  If batting average statistics were calculated for his season in 1941 like they are today, Teddy Ballgame (one of his many nicknames) would’ve hit .419.

Ted Williams averaged better than two hits in every five at bats.  No player has hit .400 or better since 1941.  Hall of Famer George Brett came close.  Tony Gwynn did too.  But neither hit .400, only Ted Williams.

In that same year, Ted Williams had 37 home runs and drove in 120 runs.  His on-base percentage was .551.

His performance in 1941 is arguably the best statistical year of any hitter in the history of the game.  In a word, for a hitter, his season was perfect.

One lesson we can take from this baseball story though was that Teddy Ballgame had bad days that year, too.  

Shockingly, Ted Williams was not voted most valuable player in 1941.  He finished second. That had to be a bad, freaking day.

Ted Williams struck out 27 times that year.  There were numerous bad days sprinkled in there.

Outcome-wise, the record breaking season by Williams was not nearly enough to help the cursed Red Sox that year.  They finished 17 games out of first place and missed the playoffs.  The last day of the season, though he won the batting title, Ted Williams went home to listen to the baseball playoffs on his radio.  That had to be a bad day.

On December 7th, 1941, Pearl Harbor was attacked.  This was one of the saddest days in the history of our country.

On May 22, 1942, Ted Williams joined the United States Navy…  in the prime of his career.

On Saturday, as a parent, I had a bad day.

Some history first…

Our kids have done swim lessons in the past and have showed wonderful progress.  They love the water and being able to swim is important to us as parents.  We spend a lot of time on a boat on Lake Erie during the summer.  We are worried about their safety.  Our one son walked into a swimming pool without a swimming lifejacket last year and nearly drown.  Still we never have forced them to do swim lessons.  It’s always been their choice and decision.

After completing the prior level of swim lessons late last year, they said they liked it and wanted to continue with the program and start the next level of lessons in early 2014.  Thus we paid the fee (double since we have twins) and signed them up at our local recreation center.

As soon as Teddy popped out of bed last Saturday, he started saying he didn’t want to go to swim lessons.  When asked why, he could not provide an explanation.  He refused to get dressed.  He refused to brush his teeth.  He refused to eat breakfast.  Teddy, in all fairness, was having a very bad day too.

Usually, Teddy can easily be threatened or bribed. These are tools us parents use when all else fails.  We try to use them sparingly.  On a small scale, when you follow through and are consistent, both are time tested useful parenting tactics.

We tried bribing Teddy with post swim lessons donuts.  Nope.

We tried bribing him with candy.  Nope.

We threatened to take away his new favorite toy, his iPad, for a week. He did not care, he said.

I was fed up.  I yelled.  I screamed.  My wife followed suit.  We were spitting nails.  I threatened to leave him at home to spend the whole day in his room.  I was serious.  I hate yelling, but I yelled some more.

“You told us you wanted to do this!  It was your idea!”

I repeated this over, over and over again.

Finally, I dropped the grenade that I thought would force him in the car.

I threatened to cancel his birthday party.  

Yep, no birthday for a five year old.

His twin brother could celebrate, but he would get nothing.  No party. No cake. Nothing.

He cried and cried and cried.  He was hysterical.  At that point, there was no way he was getting in the car.  I took his brother to the recreation center and left Teddy alone at home, in his room, with his mother downstairs doing laundry.    He was in a bad place and so were we.

I came home from swim lessons with our other child Cooper and apologized to Teddy.  Despite his poor, ungrateful and wasteful attitude, I had overreacted and taken the threats to the extreme.

I never planned to cancel his birthday party.  Threats only work if they are real and you follow through with them.  My wife pointed out that I went over the line.  That threat sucked.  I justified the threat (we were already late, I did not want to make Cooper late for Teddy’s temper tantrum), but realized it was over the top.

Teddy apologized to me.  He told me he was sorry and he does not know why he was in a bad mood.  He wants to go to swim lessons next week.

Today, Teddy told his mommy she was the best mommy in the world.  He told me I was the best daddy in the world.  He thanked me for warming up the car for him so he wouldn’t be cold this morning on his ride to daycare.  He loved that I carried him through the garage, to the car, buckled his seatbelt for him and gave him a kiss as I do every morning.  He has forgotten all about this incident that happened just five days ago.

After thinking about the situation, at first, I felt guilty for the way I handled it.

I was wrong, but none of us our perfect.  Not me. Not you.  Not even Ted Williams.

Parenting, like baseball, is a grind.  

Each day you wake up and there’s a new game to be played.  Year,  after year,  after year,  you play the game and hope that one day, your legacy will be deemed successful and worthwhile.

The night before my son’s bad day, he had experienced his first NBA game and ate at a fine dining restaurant that most kids don’t have the opportunity to experience.  The day after the incident, we went sledding with new snazzy snow tubes and made timeless memories.

Sandwiched in between Friday and Sunday was a bad day.

Ted Williams had bad days in 1941.  He was not a bad baseball player.  He one of the best baseball players to ever live.

We have bad days as parents, but that does not make us bad parents.  

Here are some tips for getting past a bad parenting day:

1)  Never expect perfection from yourself or your child

2)  Try to wipe the slate clean after a bad day and start fresh the next day

3)  Talk to your spouse or a friend about how you handled the situation and be open to constructive criticism

4)  Try to rest well that night and get a full eight hours of sleep

5)  Recognize and reward your children when they exhibit good behaviors

6)  Be kind to yourself

7)  Be mindful that most of the time, bad days are just bad days and are not part of a deeper issue

Bad parents ignore their children.  Bad parents are apathetic about parenting.  Bad parents grossly criticize their children in public and private.  Bad parents take their anger, depression, and/or frustrations out on their kids.  Bad parents are undependable.  Bad parents physically and mentally abuse their children.

I’m not a bad parent, I just struck out that one day.

I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s game.

Have you ever had a bad day? How do you handle/overcome similar situations like these?  

Delegation: Not A Bad Word

To Review:

I had a lot of fun starting this blog.  The stories were fun to rehash, but the posts did not provide much direction or instruction.  It was more entertainment than practicality.  I’d like to provide both types of rhetoric in the future.

In post number one, I spoke of playing Zone Defense.  Zone Defense is the name for the blog, but it’s also both a figurative and literal style of parenting.  Letting children make mistakes and learning from their mistakes (as long as they’re safe) is a style of parenting I endorse fully.  I felt it was a good, baseline post for the start of the blog.  If you haven’t read it yet, give it a look.

In post two, I addressed being okay with putting away the tough guy persona, i.e., temporarily turning in your “Man Card”.  Masculinity, aggressiveness, being a man…  these are things that are important for attracting a mate, but they become less vital when you’re dealing with a lactation consultant or when a baby wakes up with a soiled diaper at 2 a.m.

I ended the last post with saying it’s not 1950’s anymore and to turn in your Man Card (temporarily).  This is still true.  In most households, both parents are working and the parents have shared tasks, schedules and responsibilities.

However, “delegation” is not a bad word in parenting.  The delegation of responsibilities, especially prior to the birth of your child, is a typical and an accepted standby.

So your partner is pregnant?

As guys, it is not our responsibility to go off birth control, cut back on caffeine, take prenatal vitamins, cut back on alcohol or organize baby showers.  Also, most men will not be the main decision makers when choosing what to register for at Babies R Us, Target or Pottery Barn.  These tasks can be overwhelming for women, but it’s something they enjoy having control of.  I would suggest to be there for them as a sounding board during this emotional transition time.  Lean on couples that have been through these types of events in the past.  Take them shopping with you.  Ask for advice from parents or relatives.  Find people you can trust and use the support system you have built over the years.

However, from a dad’s point of view, there are some tasks that we can solely help out with.  Taking care of these tasks autonomously can help ease the burden and stress of having your first child.

–  Assemble The Nursery

Picking out decorative items is one thing, but there is a lot of grunt labor involved in preparing the room for your unborn child.  There could potentially be painting, lighting, window treatments, furniture assembly and wall art.  Volunteer to do as much as possible.  Call your buddies over and feed them beer.  Take the a friday afternoon off and do this as a surprise for your partner and you will reap much praise.

Here were my completed tasks one afternoon.  Double stroller assembled. Check.  New furniture delivered, assembled and set in place.  Check.

Essentially this gives the family comfort. If the baby were to be born at that moment exactly, today, right now…  all would be well.

–  Assess The Condition Of Your Home And Vehicle

If you’re the dude hanging on to the 1983 beater, two door Mustang coupe…  get rid of it.  Sell it.  Trade it in.  You can always upgrade in a few years.  If you keep it, it will only soon have milk spilt in it and soon smell like rotten cheese.

If your car needs new brakes, air conditioning or wiper blades… replace them.  While being cheap and thrifty is a dude specialty, you’ll want to have the safest, most comfortable vehicle possible for future travel.  This doesn’t mean you need to buy a Minivan, just make common sense preparations.

With your home, I would suggest having the furnace/air conditioning checked, air filters changed and carpets cleaned.  Allergens can be an annoyance for infants and starting with a clean slate, literally and figuratively can prevent future issues.

Other suggestions? Fix the broken outdoor light.  Stain the deck.  Clean the garage.  When the baby comes, you will not have time for these tasks and they could become fuel for possible arguments.

– Make Sleep A Prioritity

You’re gonna need it.  There’s nothing else to say here.  You’ll want to be in a peak physical and mental state when the baby arrives.    Log some hours in the sleep bank.

– Install And Inspect The Car Seat

Installing a car seat is more difficult than it sounds.  They aren’t “click and go”.  Most infant car seats are rear-facing. They’re also based on the size of the chid and also the type of vehicle you have. Using the LATCH system makes matters easier, but nonetheless, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration annually reports that approximately 90% to 95% of first time car seat installers incorrectly install car seats on their first attempt.

Luckily, for new parents, a majority of local police departments and fire departments receive federal monies to have a trained employee on staff to inspect car seats for correct installation.  We made an appointment and took our our car with installed car seats to our local police department for inspection.  The officer said we were close, but it still wasn’t tightly enough fastened to the seat.  By driving his knee into the base of the car seat, he more snuggly secured the seat and thus ensured the safety of car travel with the infant.

– Read And Sing To Your Child In The Womb

Studies show that after birth, babies can recognize voices and music that they’ve heard prior to birth.  The amniotic fluid amplifies sound.  No matter how silly it sounds, talk to the baby, read to the baby, sing to the baby, etc.  Fathers begin to bond with babies later than mothers for obvious reasons, but make a concerted effort to bond with your baby long before they are born.

Once out of the womb, the child will be scared and in new surroundings.  The child will be searching for things that are comforting and things that are familiar.  If the child is used to your voice and your tone, your child will feel safer, be happier, be more comfortable and perhaps if you’re lucky, sleep better.

As a dad, following these simple steps will help you be well on your way to be physically and mentally prepared for the birth of your child.  That’s when the fun starts…

What insecurities did you/do you have about being a dad?  Who do you plan to lean on when questions arise about having a child?

Man Card… Turn It In

My best advice?

I’m not going to say forever, but for the time being…  turn in your Man Card.  You should mentally be okay with that.

What’s a Man Card?  A Man Card is doing manly things.  Like 1950’s manly things.

A Man Card is doing things like cutting the grass, fixing a leaky sink, hunting a deer, not stepping foot (ever) in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Your wife is pregnant?

Yesterday.

Yesterday is the day to be prepared to turn in your Man Card.

Luckily I anticipated this happening.  In anticipation of losing my Man Card, I took a fishing trip with my uncles and grandfather (and my wife) to our family’s boat-in fishing resort in northern Canada.  This “resort” is a good six plus hours north of the United States/Canada border in Sault Ste Marie, Michigan.  We went fishing after breakfast, lunch and dinner.  We cooked the fish we ate for dinner each night.  We played cards and drank cheap beer.

Sometimes you don’t realize how important of a trip the journey is, until after the journey is over.  That was the case with this trip.

Below is the link to the resort we visited.  My family sold its ownership stake in it a long time ago, but we are luckily still treated like royalty when we visit.  Check it out if you love the outdoors, nature, fishing (walleye, northern pike and perch), boating and roughing it.

http://www.wassiagominlodge.com/

The resort… it’s not for everyone.  It’s way the hell up there.  There are no nearby grocery stores, hospitals or spas.  Most cabins are not equipped with toilets or showers.  There are outhouses and there is a shower house.  You can’t drive to the cabins, thus the name “boat-in”.

That’s kind of the point.  You go up there and you breathe it in.  You play zone defense.  You shut off your cell phone, because there’s no cell towers.

I WOULD SUGGEST TAKING ONE OF THESE TYPES OF MAN TRIPS BEFORE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Some people don’t have the luxury of doing this.  Kids happen.  Sometimes kids happen unexpectedly. I understand this.  But if you have the opportunity, do it. Because once your wife is pregnant, you turn in the card.

You turn in the card because your child (or children in our case) and it’s well-being is more important that your tough guy persona.

The big thing with me throughout my youth and early adulthood was doing things, and figuring out life by myself.  I can do it.  I see flawed, unhappy, divorced adults all around me.

They are offering me advice?  Why the hell would I take their advice?  I have a better chance attempting to figure it all out myself.  At least I know if I screw up, the only person to blame would be myself.

Parenting?  There are so many HORRIBLE parents I see everyday!  Why would I listen to any of them?

Well that is wrong.

As I parent, you need help.  You need all the help you can get.  If you are having twins or triplets…  forgetaboutit.  You’ll need double or triple the help.

It doesn’t mean you have to listen to all the advice that everyone gives you, but absorb it all with your spouse or partner and pick and choose what makes sense.

Accept help.

With anything else, we’ve told people all the time… nah, we’re good…  we got this… thanks for offering, but no thanks.

When someone asks if they can bring over dinner after the baby is born. The answer needs to be yes.

Someone offers to bring over groceries or cut the grass/shovel the driveway during the first month? Yes.

A date night may be a stretch due to breastfeeding, sleeping and attachment issues, but if you can pry yourself away from the child within the first two or three months, even if it’s just for fast food for an hour, do it.

Every issue is exacerbated once a child is born.  There is little time to discuss current events, politics, sports or your love for one another.  Be prepared for this.  The baby is king (or queen).  It will eventually get easier, but be prepared for at least six months of changing diapers and feeding a mouth with a breast or bottle.

The infant gives you little positive feedback during these first few months, be prepared for that too.

Another thing…  you think you’re ready for a child…  you’re not.

You’ve saved up a ton of money for the costs associated with having a child? It’s not enough.

You’ve been a nanny for two years? You’re not ready.

Your sibling recently had a child and you watched them for one night? Nope.

You have three dogs, two cats and one hamster? Don’t kid yourself.

You may have taken a lot of responsible steps to prepare for childbirth and that’s good, but don’t ever be cocky enough to think you’re ready, because you’re not.

Once a baby is born, your life changes and you need to be mentally and physically prepared for these changes.

The good thing for guys is we actually, contrary to popular belief, are okay talking about parenting.  Women like talking about their problems, while men like solving problems.  If we like solving problems, that means we also like helping other people solve problems.    I started this blog because I hope someone reads it and picks up one little tidbit that makes being a dad easier and more enjoyable.  I LIKE SOLVING PROBLEMS.  Don’t assume guys don’t like talking about parenting.  That’s a fallacy.

If your child isn’t sleeping well, I’d like to hear about it and see if I could suggest anything to help.  Swaddling, turning down the lights, working on a schedule, scented lotion…  these are all ideas that could help.

Lol.

Scented lotion.  TURN IN YOUR MAN CARD!

Before our kids were born, we did a “preparing to be a parent” class at Hillcrest Hospital, the hospital where our children were born. Hillcrest Hospital is a branch of the highly acclaimed Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio.

These classes are prevalent at most majors hospitals.  Here is a list of the type of pregnancy/new parent classes that Hillcrest Hospital offers:

Click to access childbirth-class-jan-june-flier-2013.pdf

Take one.  Take them all.  Many are free or have a nominal fee of $30 to $75.  This is money well spent!

Don’t be cocky.  Even if you have experience being around young kids, you still are not ready to be a full-time parent.

I want to end this post with a story about turning in my Man Card.

As a guy, we like boobs.  Boobs, breasts, cans, honkers, racks, melons…  we’re guys… we like them.  They are sexual objects. Right?

Wrong.  Once a chid is born, boobs are sources of food.  How depressing.  The majority of women attempt to breastfeed after the child is born.  It makes a lot of sense.  Breastfeeding is good for the child.  It provides them with natural nutrition, growth enzymes and anti-bodies that formulas struggle to imitate.

PLUS IT’S FREE. We’re guys.  We like free.

Within the first 30 minutes after birth, a “lactation consultant” will most likely be in your room attempting to get your new child to latch on to your wife’s breasts and breastfeed.  This is mildly to moderately annoying.

We were holding our new sons. We were measuring and weighing our new sons.  We were taking pictures of our new sons.  We were NAMING our new sons!

In hindsight though it was important, so be prepared for it.  A baby needs to eat!  Additionally, the milk in the breast needs to come in.  The sooner both the woman and the child get used to breastfeeding, the better.

At the insistence of the lactation consultant, we worked on feeding our boys right away.  At the same time we were calling family members and arranging visits.  My mother-in-law and sister-in-law were in town and were going to be the first to visit.  My mother and siblings would arrive in the evening.

Within the first two hours, we were moved to a private room and our children, as twins, were blessed to be mature and healthy enough to avoid the NICU and visit us immediately in the private room.  Around that same time, the lactation consultant was working with us… both.

I had no clue why I was involved with this?  Hello!!!  I am not going to be the one breastfeeding!  But the lactation consultant was very persistent about getting this whole feeding thing down as soon as possible.  Both of our kids were having trouble latching on and also my wife was not making and excreting milk at a high rate.  These are both common issues.

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law walked in and my shirt  and my wife’s shirt are both half off.  The lactation consultant is encouraging us to try to comfort our new children with a “kangaroo hold”, i.e. their warm, bare, skin pressed against our warm, bare, skin.  This is supposedly used to help comfort the child after birth and help them attach to their parents and in-turn breastfeed better.  This was mildly embarrassing enough.

The Man Card was pretty much gone at this point, but there’s more.

Our crazy, old school, hippie lactation consultant wanted me to try to express the milk glands inside of my wife’s breast, while my children had their mouth attached to my wife’s nipple and massage the milk out of the glands and into their mouths.

Uhhhhhh.

At that point, if you follow the lactation consultant’s advice, you’re going to look like a total goof and it’s going to get very awkward, very quickly, in front of both my mother-in-law and my sis-in-law.  However, if you don’t listen to the instructions, then you’d possibly appear to be a uncaring and unhelpful, and a not involved father.

So I did it.

I massaged the milk out of my wife’s bare breast with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law coaching me.  I pressed down and rubbed from mid-breast, towards the nipple in a sweeping motion in hopes of helping my little dudes get used to breastfeeding.  I did this repeatedly.  To both breasts.

It may have been the most awkard moment of my life.

Needless to say,  this isn’t the 1950’s anymore.

Be prepared to turn in your Man Card.

Do you think you are ready for kids?  Are you prepared to be embarrassed and lose your Man Card?  

I hope so, because it’s all worth it and you can eventually get your Man Card reinstated.  

Zone Defense Parenting

In a “zone defense” sports players are responsible for guarding an area or space, rather than guarding  a specific person.  It is most readily used in high school and college basketball.  Zone defense gets a bad rap.  It is effective.  Players don’t get as tired playing zone defense.  They have more time to devote to the offensive end.  Bad, lazy defenders can be hidden in a zone defense.  Hall of Fame coaches have made millions of dollars instituting zone defenses.

I guess I need to back up.  This is not a sports blog. There are plenty of those (though I’d still love for sports fans to read this).  There are also plenty of mommy blogs (though I’d still love it if moms read this).

This is parenting from a guy’s perspective.

This blog is intended for use for new dads that are curious, want to be entertained, need support or guidance, or simply would like to hear what works or doesn’t work for others.  By no means is this a tutorial on how to be a perfect parent.

Our fraternal twin (non-identical) boys are almost five years old.  I’d like to think that I have accumulated a lot of parental knowledge in these last five years.  Most of that knowledge has come from trial and error.  Outside of family members, I didn’t have a parenting mentor, a blog to read and most of my friends were still single or recently married.  Babies (plural) happened fast for us.  Like the first month going off birth control fast.  We were clueless but excited and determined to be “good” parents.  If we tried hard enough, we thought aloud, our kids will become productive, kind, well-adjusted, honorable young men.

But back to zone defense…

One day, when my boys were almost two years old, I took them to the swankiest mall in our metropolitan area.  My wife needed a night with friends and I was getting braver and braver taking them in pubic places solo.  I had watched them alone many times in the past, but things had always turned out pretty well.  This night was different.

I dressed them up nicely for the outing as to keep up with the Joneses at the dressy mall.  We sat down to eat in the food court and Cooper poured a full chocolate milkshake down the front of his pants.  Teddy had just sat down and started eating his meal and started crying when I told him we had to run to the bathroom because Cooper was freaking out about his milkshake soaked diaper area.  Once in the bathroom, I realized I had plenty of diapers and wipes to clean up Cooper, but I had forgot to pack a change of clothes.  While changing and cleaning up Cooper, Teddy, curiously stuck his hands in the toilet and tried to make “waves for boats.” Not sure what that meant, but he’s the type of kid that is tough to argue with.  Needless to say, I was straddling the line between yelling, laughing and crying.

I disinfected everyone (including myself), changed everyone’s diapers and got the hell out of that family bathroom which still gives me nightmares to this day.  We sat back down to finish our meal (Cooper sans pants) and they barely ate any of it.  I threw most of it away.  That drives me batty, but that’s a whole different blog post.  You see, they had seen other kids (about seven years old) throwing pennies in the mall fountain downstairs and they were dead-set to follow suit.  Of course, I had no pennies.  We marched into Victoria’s Secret with a five dollar bill, Cooper with no pants on, and Teddy with a faint smell of mountain fresh toilet freshener emanating from him with each step.  I persuaded the clerk to hand over 500 pennies though it was against store policy to make change without a purchase.  She knew, and I knew, she was making that change and she was going to do it fast.

The boys were elated and I felt embarrassed, but I was ready to sit back and take a few deep breaths while they tossed penny after penny into the mall fountain.  Upon walking to the fountain, the boys began to argue about who had the most pennies and who was going to throw them the farthest.  They were running on the edge of the fountain and nearly falling in.  I was chasing them, attempting to micromanage and over-parent.  For a calm guy, I was about to blow a gasket.

At that moment, a weathered man who appeared to not fit in with the swanky mall scene approached me.  My head was surely slumped over in my hands.  This dude had to be fake.  He was like a modern day guardian angel.  He was in his mid 60’s, probably a grandpa to somebody.  He noticed my sports ball cap and hit on a sports theme that he thought might strike a chord.

“Sometimes zone defensive works better than man-to-man,” he joked.

He waited to assess my reaction.

What did he just say? You’re talking about sports at a time like this!?!? My kids are absolutely out of control, nearly tackling themselves into the fountain of doom and you drop a sports joke?

I paused trying to think of a witty reaction that would make him smile then walk away, but I had to think a little more about what point he was trying to make.  After an awkward pregnant pause, I simply told him thank you.  He smiled and winked, seemingly knowing that something deeper may have clicked.  I never saw him again. He vanished like Moonlight Graham.

This Clarence Odbody of a man wasn’t talking about sports or defense, he was talking about attitude, sanity, confidence, and loosening the parental grip.  I was micromanaging the situation and had lost control and perspective.  My level of stress and failure was feeding into the explosiveness of the wild scene.

But was the scene really wild? Who really was watching and who were the children negatively impacting?

No one.  It was just me on the scene… looking very defeated.

We were all alone and upon second glance, these kids were actually having a pretty damn good time.  By telling me to switch to zone defense, I don’t think he was being literal.  Hovering around the kids, waiting for them to fall, telling them to stop would have continued to be counterproductive.  After all, they weren’t even two years old yet.  They were acting their age and being two year olds.

I sat back and played some zone.

I took it all in.

I was watching them, but watching them in a manner whereas to only etch the moment in my memory for my end of life, “see the light” moment.

What’s the worse that could happen? They’d fall in the fountain and get wet pants?  They are in their diapers! They aren’t wearing any pants!

Out of the corner of my eye, a young couple walked by.  They smiled and I returned the gesture.

I told them I was playing zone defense.

They said it looked like it was working.

As a parent, sometimes zone defense is the best strategy, both literally and figuratively.

Has a similar circumstance ever occurred with you and your kids?  How do you strike the balance between being protective and allowing your children to make and learn from mistakes?